Ten stages to Grief
  1. Shock: Anesthetized against the overwhelming loss. Not comprehending and not able to face the full magnitude of the loss. Denial; sense of unreality.

  2. Emotional release: Beginning to realize how dreadful loss is. Venting or releasing feelings is better than trying to repress the. Buying constructive ways to release and vent emotions.

  3. Physical symptoms of distress: "Ill" with symptoms related to the loss. Sleeping and eating disturbances; physical complaints. Seek medical consultation.

  4. Panic: Convinced "something is wrong with me" as a person. Concentration difficult. May fear losing the mind. Feeling out of control. Memory impairment. Know this is normal and others feel the same way.

  5. Anger: Anger and hostile expressions toward those who "caused" the loss are common. Such hostility is NORMAL; encourage verbalization and constructive outlets. Often anger at the person who has left. Questions about "why?"

  6. Guilt feelings: May recall own past neglect, mistreatment, or wrong to the deceased. Wrongs may be imaginary or exaggerated. But they may be real wrongs, with real guilt. Confession and unburdening of real guilt gives best relief. "Forgiveness" of real wrongs as if they were imaginary is no adequate solution.

  7. Depression, Loneliness, and Utter Isolation: Feeling of "no help for me." Down in the depths of despair. Should know this is also a normal feeling and will pass. Aided by allowing repetitive retelling, by unconditional acceptance, and by being non judgmental.

  8. Inability to renew normal activities: Cannot get back to "business as usual." Feels they must bear loss alone, since others are back to normal activities. Need encouragement to face new situation and to learn about themselves to develop new identity.

  9. Gradual overcoming of grief: Emotional balance returns little by little, like healing a physical wound. Rate varies with each individual. Increase an wanting to get involved with new interest and new people. Renewed confidence; philosophical resolution to the death.

  10. Readjustment to the new realities: Not "old self again" because there is a new situation and new identity. Person feel stronger, deeper, better for having faced and overcome the loss. Turning of crisis into opportunity for growth. Reaffirmation and renewed hope.


    You may not experience in this exact order, you may even skip some and some you will experience more than once.




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