"No one ever gets over grief because grief is the process, not an event. The recovery of a resolution of grief is all too often seen as absolute. Instead, I prefer the term "resolution" or the term "perspective". You do not get over grief. You learn to live with. If your grief needs are met, you will enjoy a renewed sense of confidence and an ability to acknowledge the reality of death and having the capacity to become re-involved with the activities of the living."

Grief, with its many ups and downs, last far longer than society in general recognizes. Be patient with yourself. Each person's grief is individual. You and your spouse will experience it and cope with it differently. As anyone is grieving or has grieved knows, there are many new feelings emotions and symptoms that are part of the grieving process. Anger, despair, extreme sorrow are always named. But now, forgetfullness is finding its way into the group of expected symptoms.

Actually short term memory loss more clearly defines the symptom. The bereaved have no trouble remembering activities and other things about their loved ones. Many bereaved parents can play back their child's life with no trouble. Widows and widowers speak of their courting days as though they were yesterday. But people who are grieving have trouble remembering why they walked into a particular room, or where they left their car keys, or that important dinner date. Why is this? It is simply a case of having the brain so overloaded with thoughts of grieving. Is it that these things soon forgotten are deemed too trivial by comparison to remember? Is it an acceleration of the aging process?

At this stage of our knowledge there are still no good answers about much of what we know is part of the grieving process. We know that certain reactions to grief are perfectly normal. We understand that grieving is normal. But, there's still much yet to know. Crying is an acceptable and healthy expression of grief and releases built up tension. Cry freely as you feel the need. Guilt, real or imagined, is a normal part of grief. It surfaces in thoughts and feelings of "if only". In order to resolve this guilt, learned to express and share these feelings, and learn to forgive yourself. Anger is another common reaction to loss. Anger, like guilt, needs expression and sharing in a healthy and acceptable manner. Children are often be forgotten grievers within the family. They are experiencing many of the same emotions you are, so share thoughts and tears with them. Though it is a painful time, be sure they feel loved and included. Parents may feel they have nothing to live for may think about a release from this intense pain. Be assured that many parents feel this way but that a sense of purpose and meaning does return. The pain does lessen.

Avoid making hasty decisions about your loved one's belongings. Do not allow others to take over to rush you. You can do little by little whenever you feel ready. Whenever possible, put off major decisions(changing residence, jobs, ect) for at least a year. Friends in relative may be uncomfortable around you. They want to ease your pain but do not know how. Take the initiative and help them learn how to be supportive to you. Talk about your loved one so they know it is appropriate.

It helps to become involved with a support group having similar experiences; sharing eases loneliness and promotes the expression of your grief in an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding.