During grief some of our needs become dulled, some become heightened. One need that is often more intensify is the need for touch, to be held or hugged, to have someone pat us as he or she passes by or hold our hand at particularly stressful times. A woman surviving the accidental death of her husband said, "I know I could heal faster if I didn't feel so all alone in my skin." Grief isolates us emotionally, but not being touched can make us feel both physically and emotionally isolated. So our desire for touch is a real, vital human need.

In fact, studies on touch deprivation have proven dramatically that being touched contributes to leading a heathful life. It is important for us to allow ourselves to be in situations where we receive physical affection from those we care about. If someone wants to hug us, we shouldn't worry about such a gesture making us cry or "break down." We need to follow our natural instinct to give and receive affection.

In support groups, survivors are more likely to touch, hug, and give affectionate pats, because they know it is a way of connecting, comforting, and breaking through that terrible sensation of being all alone in your skin.

From the book A TIME TO GRIEVE by CAROL STAUDACHER